Princess Charlotte is a princess, so of course famous and powerful people from around the world have showered her with presents during the first year of her life (the list comes from PEOPLE). Given that my name is also Charlotte, I think I am uniquely suited to pass judgement on the caliber of these gifts. And, given that today is her birthday, it makes sense to do this right here, right now.
SO, herewith, a definitive ranking of the best 11 presents Princess Charlotte has ever received, as decided by someone also named Charlotte.
11. Cloth diapers
Princess Charlotte’s aunt Pippa gave her a set of biodegradable diapers made from something called “natural mull cloth.” I’m sorry, but what child is like, “Yes, please give me what is essentially an all-natural toilet, thank you so much, I am so grateful.” No child. That’s a present for her parents. Or the servants, in this case, because she’s A PRINCESS.
10. Fancy silk figurines
Chinese President Xi Jinping gave Princess Charlotte silk figurines of characters from the 19th century Chinese novel, Dream of the Red Chamber. Nice idea, and as someone named Charlotte, I will say that I would’ve enjoyed these as a child, but the literary reference seems a little too obscure for a one-year-old, if we’re being honest.
9. A blanket made out of special wool or something
The Australian government gave Princess Charlotte a blanket for her crib made from Tasmanian merino wool. Cool, but it’s not cashmere, soooo….
8. A book of fairytales
British Prime Minister David Cameron gave Princess Charlotte a copy of Hans Christian Andersen’s Fairy Tales. I loved these stories when I was little, so, as someone also named Charlotte, the princess probably will too. But given the other swag coming next on this list, this still ends up at number eight.
7. Charlotte and the technicolor dream coats
The king and queen of Bhutan gave Princess Charlotte two beautiful hand-made coats. I’d be jazzed if someone gave me two hand-made coats, and my name is Charlotte, so I would know.
6. A silver rattle
The President of Mexico, Enrique Peña Nieto, and his wife, Señora Angélica Rivera, gave Charlotte a rattle, which is something she can actually play with, and it’s made of silver, so that’s cool.
5. Teddy bears and booties and stuff
The Prime Minister of New Zealand gave Charlotte a bunch of teddy bears, baby blankets, and booties, all made from Stansborough wool. No idea what Stansborough wool is. I even Googled it and I’m still confused. But the princess is one, and what one-year-old doesn’t like teddy bears?
4. A snowsuit and a huge donation in her name
A Prime Minister of Canada (PEOPLE wasn’t clear whether this was Justin Trudeau or his predecessor Stephen Harper) gave Princess Charlotte a snowsuit, a book, and made a $100,000 donation in her honor to Immunize Canada. Little kids love snowsuits and they look like tiny, adorable little Michelin men in them, so even if the princess isn’t jazzed about this, I am, so it ends up at number 4. And $100,000 is just a boat-load of money for a good cause, so way to go, Canada.
3. a puzzle and a replica of Bo The Dog from the Obamas
This is an awesome present. Really proud of my country right now. As a Charlotte who loves puzzles and the Obama’s dog, I fully endorse this present. Thank you, America.
2. A rattle from her grandfather
Princess Charlotte’s grandfather Prince Charles gave her a willow rattle woven by an Irish basketmaker. High on sentimental value. Very touching. Goes at number two.
1. a blinged-out rattle
The American business Natural Sapphire Company gave Princess Charlotte a 18k white gold rattle with diamonds, rubies and sapphires on it valued at around $45,000. That is a killer baby present. She will be so fancy when she gnaws on this. I, Civilian Charlotte, am jealous of Princess Charlotte for this one. If you’re out there, Natural Sapphire Company, and want to send one of these to me, DM me on Twitter for my address.